I’m far from perfect and have my own bad traits, but when I make a formal promise to someone that I respect, my soul is guaranteed to keep that promise. It’s not even possible that I break it (intentionally at least.) I got permission from my friend this morning to lift a promise so I could just write this. Those who saw the poem begging for forgiveness to someone on Evoking the Deep probably have an idea that I was going through a tough time recently. It’s true. I was. After writing that poem and note, and in an attempt to force myself to put things in the past I made a promise to a friend that for one year I won’t write anything else about a that person or try to contact her, or anything. The only thing I could not promise was that I would stop thinking about her. So, I felt partly liberated after the promise because I knew there was no option to try contacting or writing a poem she may see, etc. BUT, the thoughts continued. Thoughts of unanswered questions to things that didn’t add up. I’m an analyzer and I don’t feel complete until I see the answer to all of the math. I started meditations to recall all of the events and started feeling the justification for my decisions, but not as strongly as I felt when I saw what I was about to see.
Suddenly, while online digging deep into something, a REVELATION!!! I saw what would change every one of my thoughts about her. More than a year ago I made decisions to walk away from that person because of super-profound intuitions I had. Yet, that person swore viciously that I was wrong. But still, the intuitions won in the event (hence the beginning of Unfamiliar Passage.) Then, I felt guilty later as I thought back to how I made the mistake and hurt an innocent soul. Well, what I saw yesterday online with the perfectly appropriate date embedded from exactly the right time (more than one year ago) was exactly what I needed. It confirmed every one of my intuitions from that time. If I saw it when it occurred I would have felt badly about it, but I can’t explain the weight that lifted off of my soul yesterday and the smile that was possibly bigger than I ever had. I even laughed aloud in my office! Does that mean I’m not guilty? No, as I still thought that I may be making bad decisions in that time, but continued to do so. In the human realm and “the game” (which I don’t like much) I am definitely spot free. I now continue to give 100% forgiveness and I’m free of all negative thoughts related to the event. I’m tempted to contemplate the question of why I had to endure a year of all the bad feelings. I don’t know the answer. It just had to happen that way. I posted this here today only to express my extreme relief and explain why I modified the post on ETD to remove my apology note at the bottom which doesn’t make sense to keep now. I keep the poem fully intact though (with a different title) as a reminder of this time of my life. Previously, I may have looked at the probable future for her and laugh because justice will be served till the end, but no. I don’t wish such a life on anybody and I’m sure anyone can change for the better. Now, I have other things to focus on and I hold no hard feelings for the events of yesteryear. I feel free! Thanks to everyone who commented and gave uplifting support! I love you all!
May all of our stories continue toward peace, and love treat us kindly.
Ps. I think the promise to my friend goes into effect again after posting this, so I may never mention the topic again in any way. (for one year at least)